Atlanta reminds me of Good & Plenty. Sometimes good, other times horrible. Atlanta has shown what they’re capable of, but only in their primetime games. Good for them, they’re on Primetime again Sunday Night. Take their opponent Monday Night, Buffalo. The Bills are like Life Savers. Consistently solid and dependable, but that hole in the middle? That’s Buffalo’s run defense.
We can get the crap out of the way here, too. Candy Corn. Deplorable, awful, and belongs in a trash can and no other place. The NFL’s Candy Corn? New Orleans, Cleveland, Miami, Tennessee, Cincinnati, and the Jets.
The Eagles, Rams, Broncos, Packers, Bucs, and Lions can all claim victory with flavored Tootsie Rolls. They come around annually now, but it’s hard to find them, and you’re not really sure how good they are. The Giants are without a doubt WarHeads. Sour as hell at the beginning, sweet at the end? Doesn’t the pairing of Jaxon Dart and Cam Skattebo remind you of two guys that could eat a bowl of WarHeads like cereal with Jolt Cola as the milk?
The Jaguars, Commanders, Bears, Colts, Panthers, and Patriots are Jolly Ranchers. The flat ones are better than the round ones. It is a high-quality, go-to candy. Some of them are iconic, while others get tossed out. They’re just happy to be included.
How about the Cardinals, Ravens, Raiders, Texans, Cowboys, and Vikings? Is there a variety bag of Whoppers, Milk Duds, and Junior Mints? For this case, yes, there is. The answer may be in some of the pieces. It might be in the name. Either way, you’re not really sure what they are, or why they’re here. But they stay on the shelves.
The Seahawks, Chargers, 49ers, and Steelers. Cases can be made for each, much like Sour Patch Kids. They’re excellent, but a few of the flavors don’t totally belong. If you get a bag with a broken one, that’s definitely the 49ers.
That leaves the Twix of the NFL. The Kansas City Chiefs. It doesn’t wow you. You often overlook it and take it for granted. Some people love them, while others hate them. The reality of it is simple. In any NFL postseason candy bag, the Kansas City Twix are going to be at the bottom of the bag towards the end of the sorting process, like it or not. As long as they pack ’em in 15, they’ll be there.
No matter how you slice, wrap, suck, or chew this year’s Goodell Trick or Treat, the variety is plenty. Make sure you inspect for damaged or questionable packages. Someone will emerge as the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup (the candy GOAT, don’t @ ME!) of the year. But with everything average, and beauty within the eye of the beholder or costume evaluator, the rest of this NFL ride will be full of Tricks AND Treats.
